The last few months has been a emotional roller coaster. I've talked about some of the big changes I made and why on my blog, so I'm not going to re-hash anything old here. I'm going to get open and honest about what has been going on with myself lately.
Taking on a mentor role can be very stressful. At first I was very glad to be in that role - I felt I could make an impact on many people. Soon you realize that just because you give someone advice, doesn't mean they will implement it. That can be extremely frustrating, especially when they whine about their progress not being where it should be, yet, they won't implement any advice you give them. When I first noticed myself getting stressed out about other people's progress, I kind of figured it was slightly ridiculous. It was out of line (for myself). Not only was it high-unnecessary stress - I never focused on my own person, and my own progress was hurting. I had to take a step back and stop being involved so heavily.
When I had the conscious realization that my own progress was suffering, I decided to focus on that first. When analyzing where my progress was, where I felt it should be, and the frustrations I was having, I had some crazy epiphanies.
Check this out:
A typical night for me at the club, I would stand around and talk to the boys. Most of them are my friends, so at the club it was just hanging out, instead of how it used to be where it was sarge sarge sarge. We had a blast, but progress wasn't as steady. I wasn't overly concerned about this, as I was content with where my game was, and I wanted to help people. I would never cold-approach a set, because every single set I saw, I would instruct one of the guys to go open. I felt I was helping them. I got burned out rather quickly (big surprise), as many people don't realize, but coaching can be very draining. Don't get me wrong, it's a ton of fun, but it's not all roses like some may think.
So I took a step back, and stopped being a drill instructor every night, and started to just chill. I danced a lot, and just hung out, because I was burning out, I knew I needed to make sure I had fun every single night I went out. Most people when they get burned out just stay home and don't go out, but for me this was not an option. I needed to avoid isolating myself from everything (everybody), or that would make matters worse. After 2 weeks I was feeling much better and I was ready to start working on my progress again.
I had another epiphany the night before the day I talk about in this blog. I was analyzing where my progress was at and was forming an action plan of how to get back on the right track. I soon realized that there was a deep rooted sub-conscious issue causing myself not to meet my full potential. I had a fear deep inside, and self-sabotaged to avoid having to confront this fear.
I had a fear of relationships. As I'm sure most of you know (and if not, you can read about it here) my ex-girlfriend fucked me up pretty bad. What this has caused is a huge fear to have another relationship. When I first met my HBEX, she was so perfect. I thought she was absolutely amazing. When she turned out to be psychotic, that grass-rooted a mindset that no matter how amazing a girl is when I first meet her, she could turn out to be psychotic as well, and thus, if I avoid having a relationship with anyone, I don't need to find that out (to be true or untrue). It's very ridiculous, I'm aware of that, but it is what it is.
Now to dig even further, how this was affecting me was that I wouldn't open that many sets a night, because knowing where my skills are at, I'm aware if I open a good amount of sets a night, my success is going to be just ridiculously good, and meeting that many girls, I'm bound to find one that is girlfriend material. So I would avoid meeting a lot of girls, and the ones I pursued, didn't meet my girlfriend requirements. Strictly out of fear.
So I wanted to start back at the basics. Where to begin? Opening! That's all I focused on. I would literally open a ton of girls, and stay there for a second, then walk off. I just wanted to open open open. I made a thread on the Calgary forums that people could schedule a night to wing with me for free. Pretty sweet deal because they would be getting a lot of good information, free of charge. The reason I did this was because if I went out to wing with someone, and I didn't open at all, I would feel like a fucking tool. This worked out quite well. I remember one night I was winging with Rufio, and we walked by a 2-set standing at the bar. He said, 2-set at the bar, rock paper scissors. So we do it, and I lose. For a split second I was like, sweet I lost I don't have to go open. Then Rufio is like, ok, you lost, go open. I was like... ahhhhhh shit. Fuck. Ok well, this will be awkward, haha. I walk over and introduce myself, we talk for a bit, cool. After that I felt awesome. It's not like opening is scary to me at all, I already believe in myself, and have the mindsets that you learn when you first start out. It's strictly out of a fear deep down. I slowly night after night built momentum, and started feeling much better about my progress.
It was very interesting when I reflect back on this a bit. When I first started opening, I would open and then walk away. After a few nights I went into pushing the sets longer, and I would. Then kino. Then isolating. This was hilarious. I sub-consciously would only push the sets as far as I wanted to based on what I was working on that night. It was only a matter of time before my progress was going to start going out of control. I remember one specific night at Tantra, the boys and I just hung out in one area all night, and opened a ton of the girls walking through. This is a setup I call union-style, because we always use it at the union when we are there. I was opening a lot, and not thinking about it, just, ok girl walking by, YOINK! I remember one time I was dancing, came back into the group by the bar, and there was a girl, so I tap her shoulder (then hide), she turns around and now has her back turned to her friend (yay isolation) who was talking with Bishop. We talk for a second, she asked if all we do is assault girls all night, and I said, yep, like this, and I caveman her against the wall. Ha ha. Owned. So then I proclaim to the 2 girls and Bishop that we are going to dance! Bring her to the dance floor, awesome times. Things were going well, I've started to get a ton of numbers, and I'm going to be day2ing a lot of them right away.
I had another epiphany recently on Sunday night. I came to the conclusion that I was very negative. I was being way too hard on myself, and when you are negative, you tend to bring the negative out in everyone around you. Now, to give myself a bit of slack, I'm not the only negative vibe around lately, but I sure wasn't helping the situation. What I noticed was coming from a mentor mindset, I was looking for the negative aspects of everybody. That internalized into being a much more negative person overall. I don't want to be negative, I want to be positive! The lair has become filled with gossip. Everybody is expecting amazing results from everybody else, instead of being the support cast they should be. All of this hit home when I read TD's new blog. Yes it's very basic stuff that should be fairly obvious, but sometimes you just need a simple reminder.
So I implemented a new rule:
If anybody said anything negative about anyone, I would require them to say something positive about the person. As soon as they said that, I would cut the thread and change topics.
As TD says, positive people don't hang out talking about negative gossip, etc. If someone brings something negative up, they cut the thread naturally and move onto something worthwhile. I also decided to take TD's Positivity Challenge. Basically for 10 days you re-frame everything to have a positive outcome. That goes in line with a blog I wrote about waking up in the morning.
Yesterday was day 1. I woke up, and I felt very tired... BUT IT WAS THE GREATEST WAKE-UP EVARRRRRRRRRRR! Ha ha ha. It was a Monday, which means an off-club night for me. There is no club open on Mondays, so I take it as a chill rest day. After checking facebook, I was reminded that "Calgary's Best Dance Crew Finals". I love to dance, and it was at Ceili's Pub, I've never been there, I put it on my maybe-list of things to do. Talking with Rufio he was like ya let's do it, ok kool. I throw on the Charisma Concept t-shirt. Plan for the night? TO FUCKING CHILL. I had no goals, nothing. I wanted to be super chill, relax, watch the dances, whatever. We get to Ceilis at like 8. Monday night football is on. WOOHOO!!! I don't have a TV at my apartment (they are for noobs) and I'm a big sports fan, so I was pretty excited to be able to watch some football. Ordered some wings (that made me sick), had a few beers, life is rockin'.
So eventually it rolls around to around 9:30 and the dancing is about to commence. We try to score room on the front-line, but ended up a bit back. The dancing was awesome. I noticed a few cuties in the crews that I may decide to talk to later, we'll see. Now to give you an idea of how crowded this place was, check this photo.
Pretty fuckin' crowded. To top this off, they don't have a coat-check, so I was standing there in my fall coat sweating my tits off squished between a bunch of people. As soon as the dancing ended, Rufio and I rolled outside. It was freezing, so we weren't out there long, but magically when walked out, there was a mixed 3-set (2 girls 1 guy) standing around having a smoke, and I can't remember exactly what, but somehow we got into super friendly social small talk. The two girls were cute, and the guy looked like a chode. One of the girls was eye-ing the fuck out of me, so I made a note to see about that later. We rolled back inside and danced for a good while. The two girls came onto the dance floor and didn't approach us, just made small comments on my dancing and that was it. I didn't give them any attention, I was busy, giving it to Rufio. Ha ha. What a douchefag he is.
An hour or two go by, and I'm still, yep, you guessed it, dancing the night away, when out of the corner of my eye I see HBeye dancing with McChode. Seriously out of nowhere, I swear the guy grabbed HBeye and threw her on me to start grinding. Then he was like, i'm going to get a drink, and ran off. Thanks dude! We dance a bit, I can tell she's pretty horny, she's arching her back a lot, etc. So I kind of move away after a bit and dance on my own, grab her, grind, move away. She dances with McChode again, no worries, and after about 30 minutes or so, back to me she comes. So I decide I want to make-out with her now, and do so. OPPS. I forgot I'm wearing a hat, and it pokes her in the forehead pretty hard. I laughed. Ha ha. So I move it away, not making this obvious at all, and go in to kiss her. She pulls back. Ohhhhh k. I realize it's probably because I like had to stop and move my hat so I could kiss her, doh! I get the kiss right after, yippyy! I made a note to pull her in close next time, but put our heads side by side, move my hat around, pull back to face-to-face and then kiss her. That worked much better. So we grind for a good while, I sit down, let her grind on me lots, kiss, whatever.
When out of nowhere, a buddy of mine, who knows about game, decides he wants to show off in front of these 2 random chodes, and grabs my girl, and starts dancing with her. Now this royally pissed me off because it was cock-blocking to the fucking nines, it was to show-off, and it was cock-blocking to the fucking nines. He's kind of known for doing this, so I was pretty fucking pissed. I grab Rufio and start ranting, and go grab my coat to leave. I look over and Rufio grabs the girl, and throws her back at me. What a wing he is. So I grab the girl and say we're going outside. Blah blah go get her smokes and go outside. I wanted to pull, so getting her outside was the plan, but the rest of her things were still inside. She has her smoke, and I ask her what she is doing later. She just shrugs. So I proclaim we are going to go watch a movie. Inside we go, stuff in hand, we walk the 10 blocks to my apartment. Now I hadn't really talked much with her, so on the walk home I was trying to establish some comfort/rapport. What do you do? What do you do for work? Blah blah. I'm getting nothing, so I just keep talking about random shit, I mention how I hate drama, blah blah. The drama thing came in handy because the whole walk home her friends are calling her, causing a bunch of drama. It ended up making me look like a fucking prince. Thanks friends! We get back to my place and by now she seems to be pretty drunk. This happens to me all the time, I'm drinking at the club, and don't act/feel too drunk, but as soon as I get out of that environment, I'm like WOAH, I'm fucking wasted.
She uses the bathroom. First thing I do when I get to my apartment with a girl? BALCONY. Why you may ask? This is the view from my balcony:
Make-out times! She sits on the couch. I grab a movie and go to grab her hand. Typical LMR, doesn't want to go to the bedroom, blah blah blah. I never really have trouble with this, you just have to push through it (easily with shit like... ya we're going to watch a movie, come on, let's go, ok that's cool, yep let's go), and it works. It's very simple LMR. In the bedroom I throw on the movie and shut off the lights. Now, I wasn't feeling cocky about this, but how things went down, I wasn't expecting a ton of LMR. Well, while I'm putting the movie in, she has her phone out and is asking for my address. I'm like, what? No, we're watching a movie, I'll drive you home after. She keeps asking, I keep saying ya i will after the movie. She starts mentioning how she has school blah blah. I try ignoring it. I try kissing her and upping physical touching. She doesn't seem to be budging at all. She keeps mentioning how she has school, and since she wasn't reacting to any of my attempts to push it, I felt like I would be a total asshole if I didn't let her go home. I'm not in the business of being an asshole, so I change the action plan to day2 it and go from there.
Now in the elevator I don't have her number yet, nor do I even know her fucking name (we never exchanged ha ha), and I don't want to be like, baby whats your name baby whats your number... so I hand her my phone for her to put her number in, and save it as TROUBLE. Plan to get her name? Text message for the facebook close.
Voila.
Taking on a mentor role can be very stressful. At first I was very glad to be in that role - I felt I could make an impact on many people. Soon you realize that just because you give someone advice, doesn't mean they will implement it. That can be extremely frustrating, especially when they whine about their progress not being where it should be, yet, they won't implement any advice you give them. When I first noticed myself getting stressed out about other people's progress, I kind of figured it was slightly ridiculous. It was out of line (for myself). Not only was it high-unnecessary stress - I never focused on my own person, and my own progress was hurting. I had to take a step back and stop being involved so heavily.
When I had the conscious realization that my own progress was suffering, I decided to focus on that first. When analyzing where my progress was, where I felt it should be, and the frustrations I was having, I had some crazy epiphanies.
Check this out:
A typical night for me at the club, I would stand around and talk to the boys. Most of them are my friends, so at the club it was just hanging out, instead of how it used to be where it was sarge sarge sarge. We had a blast, but progress wasn't as steady. I wasn't overly concerned about this, as I was content with where my game was, and I wanted to help people. I would never cold-approach a set, because every single set I saw, I would instruct one of the guys to go open. I felt I was helping them. I got burned out rather quickly (big surprise), as many people don't realize, but coaching can be very draining. Don't get me wrong, it's a ton of fun, but it's not all roses like some may think.
So I took a step back, and stopped being a drill instructor every night, and started to just chill. I danced a lot, and just hung out, because I was burning out, I knew I needed to make sure I had fun every single night I went out. Most people when they get burned out just stay home and don't go out, but for me this was not an option. I needed to avoid isolating myself from everything (everybody), or that would make matters worse. After 2 weeks I was feeling much better and I was ready to start working on my progress again.
I had another epiphany the night before the day I talk about in this blog. I was analyzing where my progress was at and was forming an action plan of how to get back on the right track. I soon realized that there was a deep rooted sub-conscious issue causing myself not to meet my full potential. I had a fear deep inside, and self-sabotaged to avoid having to confront this fear.
I had a fear of relationships. As I'm sure most of you know (and if not, you can read about it here) my ex-girlfriend fucked me up pretty bad. What this has caused is a huge fear to have another relationship. When I first met my HBEX, she was so perfect. I thought she was absolutely amazing. When she turned out to be psychotic, that grass-rooted a mindset that no matter how amazing a girl is when I first meet her, she could turn out to be psychotic as well, and thus, if I avoid having a relationship with anyone, I don't need to find that out (to be true or untrue). It's very ridiculous, I'm aware of that, but it is what it is.
Now to dig even further, how this was affecting me was that I wouldn't open that many sets a night, because knowing where my skills are at, I'm aware if I open a good amount of sets a night, my success is going to be just ridiculously good, and meeting that many girls, I'm bound to find one that is girlfriend material. So I would avoid meeting a lot of girls, and the ones I pursued, didn't meet my girlfriend requirements. Strictly out of fear.
So I wanted to start back at the basics. Where to begin? Opening! That's all I focused on. I would literally open a ton of girls, and stay there for a second, then walk off. I just wanted to open open open. I made a thread on the Calgary forums that people could schedule a night to wing with me for free. Pretty sweet deal because they would be getting a lot of good information, free of charge. The reason I did this was because if I went out to wing with someone, and I didn't open at all, I would feel like a fucking tool. This worked out quite well. I remember one night I was winging with Rufio, and we walked by a 2-set standing at the bar. He said, 2-set at the bar, rock paper scissors. So we do it, and I lose. For a split second I was like, sweet I lost I don't have to go open. Then Rufio is like, ok, you lost, go open. I was like... ahhhhhh shit. Fuck. Ok well, this will be awkward, haha. I walk over and introduce myself, we talk for a bit, cool. After that I felt awesome. It's not like opening is scary to me at all, I already believe in myself, and have the mindsets that you learn when you first start out. It's strictly out of a fear deep down. I slowly night after night built momentum, and started feeling much better about my progress.
It was very interesting when I reflect back on this a bit. When I first started opening, I would open and then walk away. After a few nights I went into pushing the sets longer, and I would. Then kino. Then isolating. This was hilarious. I sub-consciously would only push the sets as far as I wanted to based on what I was working on that night. It was only a matter of time before my progress was going to start going out of control. I remember one specific night at Tantra, the boys and I just hung out in one area all night, and opened a ton of the girls walking through. This is a setup I call union-style, because we always use it at the union when we are there. I was opening a lot, and not thinking about it, just, ok girl walking by, YOINK! I remember one time I was dancing, came back into the group by the bar, and there was a girl, so I tap her shoulder (then hide), she turns around and now has her back turned to her friend (yay isolation) who was talking with Bishop. We talk for a second, she asked if all we do is assault girls all night, and I said, yep, like this, and I caveman her against the wall. Ha ha. Owned. So then I proclaim to the 2 girls and Bishop that we are going to dance! Bring her to the dance floor, awesome times. Things were going well, I've started to get a ton of numbers, and I'm going to be day2ing a lot of them right away.
I had another epiphany recently on Sunday night. I came to the conclusion that I was very negative. I was being way too hard on myself, and when you are negative, you tend to bring the negative out in everyone around you. Now, to give myself a bit of slack, I'm not the only negative vibe around lately, but I sure wasn't helping the situation. What I noticed was coming from a mentor mindset, I was looking for the negative aspects of everybody. That internalized into being a much more negative person overall. I don't want to be negative, I want to be positive! The lair has become filled with gossip. Everybody is expecting amazing results from everybody else, instead of being the support cast they should be. All of this hit home when I read TD's new blog. Yes it's very basic stuff that should be fairly obvious, but sometimes you just need a simple reminder.
So I implemented a new rule:
If anybody said anything negative about anyone, I would require them to say something positive about the person. As soon as they said that, I would cut the thread and change topics.
As TD says, positive people don't hang out talking about negative gossip, etc. If someone brings something negative up, they cut the thread naturally and move onto something worthwhile. I also decided to take TD's Positivity Challenge. Basically for 10 days you re-frame everything to have a positive outcome. That goes in line with a blog I wrote about waking up in the morning.
Yesterday was day 1. I woke up, and I felt very tired... BUT IT WAS THE GREATEST WAKE-UP EVARRRRRRRRRRR! Ha ha ha. It was a Monday, which means an off-club night for me. There is no club open on Mondays, so I take it as a chill rest day. After checking facebook, I was reminded that "Calgary's Best Dance Crew Finals". I love to dance, and it was at Ceili's Pub, I've never been there, I put it on my maybe-list of things to do. Talking with Rufio he was like ya let's do it, ok kool. I throw on the Charisma Concept t-shirt. Plan for the night? TO FUCKING CHILL. I had no goals, nothing. I wanted to be super chill, relax, watch the dances, whatever. We get to Ceilis at like 8. Monday night football is on. WOOHOO!!! I don't have a TV at my apartment (they are for noobs) and I'm a big sports fan, so I was pretty excited to be able to watch some football. Ordered some wings (that made me sick), had a few beers, life is rockin'.
So eventually it rolls around to around 9:30 and the dancing is about to commence. We try to score room on the front-line, but ended up a bit back. The dancing was awesome. I noticed a few cuties in the crews that I may decide to talk to later, we'll see. Now to give you an idea of how crowded this place was, check this photo.
Pretty fuckin' crowded. To top this off, they don't have a coat-check, so I was standing there in my fall coat sweating my tits off squished between a bunch of people. As soon as the dancing ended, Rufio and I rolled outside. It was freezing, so we weren't out there long, but magically when walked out, there was a mixed 3-set (2 girls 1 guy) standing around having a smoke, and I can't remember exactly what, but somehow we got into super friendly social small talk. The two girls were cute, and the guy looked like a chode. One of the girls was eye-ing the fuck out of me, so I made a note to see about that later. We rolled back inside and danced for a good while. The two girls came onto the dance floor and didn't approach us, just made small comments on my dancing and that was it. I didn't give them any attention, I was busy, giving it to Rufio. Ha ha. What a douchefag he is.
An hour or two go by, and I'm still, yep, you guessed it, dancing the night away, when out of the corner of my eye I see HBeye dancing with McChode. Seriously out of nowhere, I swear the guy grabbed HBeye and threw her on me to start grinding. Then he was like, i'm going to get a drink, and ran off. Thanks dude! We dance a bit, I can tell she's pretty horny, she's arching her back a lot, etc. So I kind of move away after a bit and dance on my own, grab her, grind, move away. She dances with McChode again, no worries, and after about 30 minutes or so, back to me she comes. So I decide I want to make-out with her now, and do so. OPPS. I forgot I'm wearing a hat, and it pokes her in the forehead pretty hard. I laughed. Ha ha. So I move it away, not making this obvious at all, and go in to kiss her. She pulls back. Ohhhhh k. I realize it's probably because I like had to stop and move my hat so I could kiss her, doh! I get the kiss right after, yippyy! I made a note to pull her in close next time, but put our heads side by side, move my hat around, pull back to face-to-face and then kiss her. That worked much better. So we grind for a good while, I sit down, let her grind on me lots, kiss, whatever.
When out of nowhere, a buddy of mine, who knows about game, decides he wants to show off in front of these 2 random chodes, and grabs my girl, and starts dancing with her. Now this royally pissed me off because it was cock-blocking to the fucking nines, it was to show-off, and it was cock-blocking to the fucking nines. He's kind of known for doing this, so I was pretty fucking pissed. I grab Rufio and start ranting, and go grab my coat to leave. I look over and Rufio grabs the girl, and throws her back at me. What a wing he is. So I grab the girl and say we're going outside. Blah blah go get her smokes and go outside. I wanted to pull, so getting her outside was the plan, but the rest of her things were still inside. She has her smoke, and I ask her what she is doing later. She just shrugs. So I proclaim we are going to go watch a movie. Inside we go, stuff in hand, we walk the 10 blocks to my apartment. Now I hadn't really talked much with her, so on the walk home I was trying to establish some comfort/rapport. What do you do? What do you do for work? Blah blah. I'm getting nothing, so I just keep talking about random shit, I mention how I hate drama, blah blah. The drama thing came in handy because the whole walk home her friends are calling her, causing a bunch of drama. It ended up making me look like a fucking prince. Thanks friends! We get back to my place and by now she seems to be pretty drunk. This happens to me all the time, I'm drinking at the club, and don't act/feel too drunk, but as soon as I get out of that environment, I'm like WOAH, I'm fucking wasted.
She uses the bathroom. First thing I do when I get to my apartment with a girl? BALCONY. Why you may ask? This is the view from my balcony:
Make-out times! She sits on the couch. I grab a movie and go to grab her hand. Typical LMR, doesn't want to go to the bedroom, blah blah blah. I never really have trouble with this, you just have to push through it (easily with shit like... ya we're going to watch a movie, come on, let's go, ok that's cool, yep let's go), and it works. It's very simple LMR. In the bedroom I throw on the movie and shut off the lights. Now, I wasn't feeling cocky about this, but how things went down, I wasn't expecting a ton of LMR. Well, while I'm putting the movie in, she has her phone out and is asking for my address. I'm like, what? No, we're watching a movie, I'll drive you home after. She keeps asking, I keep saying ya i will after the movie. She starts mentioning how she has school blah blah. I try ignoring it. I try kissing her and upping physical touching. She doesn't seem to be budging at all. She keeps mentioning how she has school, and since she wasn't reacting to any of my attempts to push it, I felt like I would be a total asshole if I didn't let her go home. I'm not in the business of being an asshole, so I change the action plan to day2 it and go from there.
Now in the elevator I don't have her number yet, nor do I even know her fucking name (we never exchanged ha ha), and I don't want to be like, baby whats your name baby whats your number... so I hand her my phone for her to put her number in, and save it as TROUBLE. Plan to get her name? Text message for the facebook close.
Voila.
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