A State of Elektro is a monthly blog I write about my Life. It contains whatever the fuck I want it to. If you haven't read the first one, check it out here.
It was 30 minutes after fLow’s naked man performance. The SAINT and I have probably never laughed so hard in our lives. We are sitting on my bed, reflecting on the evening that was, and talking about good ol’ times. It’s nice to have him back.
It was a Wednesday night when I’m hanging on MSN, working, and listening to some trance. My MSN beeps and a message appears on my desktop.
Apparently a random HB he didn’t know had requested his friendship. How cute! I check her facebookfLow wrote:“Hey do you know this HB?”
I give fLow some gold nuggets of my facebook game, and he handles the rest from here. If you don’t know fLow, that will entail a lot of playful cocky banter. He grabs her number quickly, easy stuff. I receive a call asking what I’m doing on Friday, and if I want to go to Tantra. Of course I do. The HB invited fLow (and whoever he wanted) to Tantra on Friday, with a hot-tub party to follow. Now, I have been around long enough to know that this type of proposal is usually complete bullshit, but hey, Friday I normally go to Tantra anyways.elektro wrote:Nope, but she’s hot, so I’m adding her too.
Friday begins like any other Friday evening, with us pre-drinking at my palace. Now, for those of you who don’t know, my apartment is 2 blocks from the club – perfect location. Tantra also allows re-entry, which means any night the boys want to drink, we are probably going to Tantra. It saves a lot of cash. A 60 of Vodka arrives with fLow in hand. I don’t like vodka, but fuck it; I’ll drink it tonight! The SAINT and Leg-z are drinking as well (Sunny-D and vodka) getting ready to go to the Metallica concert. Leg-Z’s face is beat red ‘cause he’s fucking loaded. Hilarious. I wish I had taken a picture. I drive them to the concert, and now it’s our time to party.
The SAINT recommends I pick up some Sunny-D for myself; I arrive home, with Cosmic and Method showing up roughly around the same time. Now, one area of concern begins to brew, with this HB, hmm, we will call her HBLOL texting fLow every 5 minutes with her location. Apparently she thought they were dating already.
Now, for anyone who was around me this summer, I’ve had my fair share of psychos, along with my fair share of girls with actual issues. I’ve seen it all. Regardless, my psychodar was beeming like crazy with HBLOL, before I had even met her. She promised fLow she would bring him alcohol into the club using her purse. Does she not realize they check that shit? I figured it would be pretty hilarious when she got caught with it. Anyways, so we rock it out to the club, walk up to the front, right through a line of people, and the bouncer asks how many I have with me. I say there are 4, so he yells at the door girl we are good with him. Kick ass. Now typically when I drink, I don’t sarge very much. I was only at the tipsy point, so fLow and I still goofed off with the new shooter girl, opening her with “WHO ARE YOU, WHY DON’T I KNOW YOU.” She’s hot. HBLOL still isn’t here, so we rock back to my palace with intentions on getting fucked up.
Back to the club we go, it’s 1am. We get a text saying they are outside. She brought a friend. Sweet. fLow keeps mentioning that he just wants to go see his FB, but I maintain the mission and say no. He grabs them outside, we run off to talk to other friends. They find us after a bit, and go up to the bar to grab drinks. Now we just sit back and chill at a table by the bar. From a mile away I see the creepy Tantra manager on his way to approach them.
Now this dude is a total fucking tool. If I could punch him in the junk and not get banned from Tantra, I would do it in a heartbeat. I’m a good friend with a couple of the shooter girls, and he’s a total creep 100% of the time every time. He also has zero game, just status. I know he’s going to get blown out before he even gets to them. Sure enough, HBLOL turns around, tells him to fuck off, and turns back around. They walk up to us shortly. Knowing him, he won’t take too kindly to that kind of blowout, so sure enough, being a fucking douche, he walks up to me, gives me an alpha pat of chode, He walks away. I giggle inside a bit, and want to punch him in the junk even more. What a fag.McChode wrote:Tell your girlfriends if they are ever rude to me like that in my venue again, I’ll ban them.
Time to go dance. I know it’s game-time and I need to wing. A lot of guys think winging is effective if you just hold the conversation and all that jazz. Fuck that. Don’t change any of your game. I’m very dominant and grab her on the dance floor right away, and we begin to grind. Now I also am not creepy grinder guy, and back off quite a bit to dance by myself too. All 4 of us are kind of dancing together, switching partners, having a great time. I didn’t realize this at the time, but apparently when the girls came onto the dance floor, the obstacle put her phone on the floor by a platform. Genius times! Guess what happened? IT GOT STOLEN – DUH!!! This girl is all freaking out, realizing what a fucking moron she was. We just kind of play it cool, don’t say too much, and don’t say too little. I show my dominance again by walking her around and asking each bar if a phone had been turned in. Once we get no’s, I say just call tomorrow usually shit gets turned in. I also throw in the story of how on Halloween I lost my keys and got them back. Time to extract as the club is shutting down.
We grab our coats and off we go. Pizza time! Quickly I establish the frame with HBobstacle, telling her to hook-up and extending my elbow. Beginning to build rapport/comfort a bit, I ask a few general questions, and find out she went to Boston recently to learn more about religion. The vibe I got was not to expect an easy hook-up tonight. No worries, let’s see if fLow can get some. On our way to the pizza shop HBLOL trips on her heels, and begins to apologize profusely at her drunkenness. Mmm pizza! On our way back HBLOL turns into insecure drunk, asking fLow a variety of questions. We eye-code each other with the “this is so fucking bad but it will be so fucking funny” eyes.
All in the name of Adventure!
On the elevator there is this small Spanish chick that is just loser pissed. She’s hiccuping uncontrollably. fLow was very concerned about being vomited on. Hilarity continues! Now, literally, the second I get home with a girl we go on a tour. I take HBobstacle to see the balcony, so fLow and HBLOL can get acquainted in my room, and hopefully escalate a bit. We come back and she’s straddling him.
He lets me know any attempts to escalate further (IE: kiss) with HBLOL are being rejected with her telling him she’s only been with 3 guys. I remember reading her facebook status a few times before we met; it always read something along the lines of hating guys. I knew she would be psycho. Now, the four of us are just sitting in my room chatting, it’s now 3am. Hearing girls voices in the house, The SAINT wakes up to come see what chaos he can cause. Now, not to knock anybody I hang out with, but nobody comes close to The SAINT in my books in regards to how much fun I have when we interact with women. His humor and ways to push their buttons is state of the art. With him taking care of some other business, I haven’t been able to wing with him much, so this was very fresh and reminded me of a lot of good times! While the girls are checking out the artwork in my room, they take particular notice to the chucky painting I have. The SAINT pushing buttons as he knows best, begins to ask HBobstacle about sex, religion, when she lost her virginity, etc. She gets very uncomfortable and shy. HBLOL starts insulting him stating that asking that type of question is very inappropriate and uncalled for. Later apologizing profusely again (she’s very good at being extremely annoying like that) when The SAINT mentions he studies sociology and that is the reasoning for the type of questions. fLow and I sense something is about to happen. We both look up at the chucky painting, and it slowly crashes down on the girls. Chucky always has my back; knowing these girls are misbehaving. We both laugh quite hard. HBobstacle goes to the bathroom, and comes back mentioning we are out of toilet paper.
and sure enough “Found it” is yelled back at me. HBLOL goes to join her friend in the bathroom, and now they haven’t come back. Where’d they go? Oh, the living room to hang out on the couch they were. That’s fine with me; I’m ok with going to sleep now. The three boys are hanging in my room, ignoring the girls. HBobstacle is going home - apparently she has mommy & daddy problems. HBLOL is staying. She walks her out. The SAINT has a genius idea! TO TRY THE NAKED MAN! For those of you who do not know, check this video out:elektro wrote:Check the counter
http://www.yidio.com/show/how-i-met-you ... embed.html
Fast-forward and watch 4:30 – 5:55, and then 13:20 – 19:30.
There was a shorter version but youtube blocked it.
Anyways so The SAINT suggests one of us try the NAKED MAN out - for story sake. fLow and I use rock, paper, scissors to determine who will be the naked man. I win, so fLow it is. I don’t know what the girl was doing, but when HBLOL comes into my room she isn’t freaking out, so we know she didn’t see him out in the living room. We mention that she should go to the living room and grab fLow. Waiting for screams, she comes back and proclaims: “I walked in on him!” I’m sitting here laughing hysterically. I believed she thought she walked in on him masturbating. Ha ha, man it was funny. They end up cuddling on the couch while The SAINT and I just chill and talk.
fLow wrote:I try to makeout with her she isn’t having it... she says I think kissing is more intimate than sex. I look at her with a confused look... fuck this I’m going to sleep. Yah right... I wish... she wont shut up she keeps talking about her ex-boyfriends, how I’m rude cause I’m not talking to her, and how she’s not “that kind of girl”... I ignore her and pretend to fall asleep. She gets up whispers fLow, fLow, fLow!!!!! Then starts shaking me... all the while I’m still pretending to sleep, I open one eye and ask her WHAT! Can I sleep with you on the couch? Nope, I think thats more intimate than kissing.Moral of the story: Sacrifices (fuck-buddies) must be made in the name of Adventure.
Elektro also has a white board in his living room... cobra commander wrote "Elektro is currently getting head" on it the other night while he was in his room with a girl before we go out... she looks at me and says, All three of you are the same arent you... that white board is to keep track of the girls you have been with. At this point I was ready to Shoryuken her in the cunt
Nope... there isnt enough room on these walls. That pissed her off and shut her up... for all of 15 seconds.
I pretend to sleep again... fLow, fLow!!!! This floor is sooo uncomfortable. I point at the other couch... See that giant soft object... its a couch use it. She tells me she is scared and never sleeps alone. I look at her with the WTF face (seems to becoming a trend) What do you sleep in the same bed as your mommy? Sometimes.... or with my sister. I shake my head and flip over back to sleep. NAWT!!! She jumps on me and starts making out with me... *WTF is going on... this broad is bi-polar* and by making out I mean she is licking everything within a 2 inch radius of my mouth... I seriously thought I was being molested by a dog. I push her off, what are you doing??? I couldn’t hold back any more your so hot. I think to myself... well if I’m not gonna sleep I might as well get some play. Off come her clothes, I flip her onto her back and continue escalating as usual... she is reciprocating. Then she just stops and is laying there like a dead fish.. i get the vibe she doesn’t want this to happen so I stop tell her I’m not doing this cause she obviously doesn’t feel comfortable with it... she begs me to continue, No I want it, I like it. Fuck this when a girl is like that I just get completely turned off. Bed time.
She climbs on the couch and starts talking again. I get up and move to the other couch... she follows. I get up... WTF are you doing, im trying to sleep. On with the inquisition... fLow why don’t you have a girlfriend... you should have a girlfriend by now, aren’t you thinking about marriage and kids... you should be! At this point I have had enough, this chick has known me for less than 24 hours and shes telling me what i should and shouldn’t be doing in my life... I lay into her, she finally shuts up for 5 minutes.
Starts talking again... I look at her and say... if you open your mouth again I will sleep in the bathtub and leave you out here all alone. She says... is Chris rude like you? I respond Chris who? She says your friend Chris *****. I’m like how do you know him... she starts telling me she has seen all my facebook pictures and all my info... and she starts listing stuff off... (Yes she fucking memorized my page) At this point all I’m thinking is how can I be sure to never see this chick again... the only thing going through my mind is Wedding Crashers.
“CAUSE ILL FIND YOU!!!!!”
So I grab my wallet and hide it in Elektros room so she can’t take pictures of my id and birth certificate. Go back... she is still there, damn I wish it would have been that easy. She starts talking again... telling me how she hates east Indians (she didn’t put it so nicely) and how she was scared to take a cab alone... Im pissed at this point and people being stereotypical pisses me off so I start ripping into her again... hoping that she will just fuckin leave, not this lucky. I say thats it... im done with you... your fucking INSANE!!!! She grabs both my wrists as tight as she can and starts pulling me back and getting in my way... I look at her and I’m like... And you wonder why no guy wants to be with you... you’re a fucking psycho! She lets go and finally shuts the fuck up.
SLEEP AT LAST!!!!
Wake up in the morning... she is still there. Fuck it wasn’t a bad dream. I pretend Im still drunk so I don’t have to drive her home.
She finally leaves. Good this chick is out of my life forever!!!!
HAHAHA YAH RIGHT MAN!
I get a text saying something to the effect of im soooo sorry! I don’t reply. Get on facebook. Today 10:46am PSYCO is worst hangover.
11:05am PSYCO: fLow im sooo sorry
are you mad??
11:08am PSYCO: ill make it up to you okay and please dont hate me casue i was wasted and stupid!!!
Today 11:09am PSYCO is omg an why do I drink....
11:12am PSYCO: we didnt do anyhing right?
totally ignor me....
11:46am PSYCO: can i have Elektros number please and ill leave u alone
11:48am PSYCO: OMG fLow!!!
11:49am PSYCO: this is very rude and immatrue of you..omg people get drunk yeah i was syupid but atleast i can amit to it and learn from last night!! i kno i was a retard i said sorry ur making me feel bad by ignroing me!!
anyways i gotta finsih im at work im soory once agian..tonight they are having the hot tub party..
so u guys can come! i wont be drinking so noo worrys..ttyl xox
In between those messages I got 4 more texts and a voice mail. Then for the next week up till now she has talked to Elektro non stop about me on MSN... then adds me on msn. I ask Elektro and Rufio if they know who it is? Nope. Ok... if its PSYCO im gonna shit my pants.
I say hey. No reply.
Who is this. No reply.
Talkative I see.
Then I get, its PSYCO, I know your not going to talk to me so bye!
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